one year ago

...today, i began a relationship that became the biggest waste of my life.

this year, i have my own place, a good job, and friends that i will keep for a lifetime. [hopefully]
ohhhh and i got a new dog. i named her gator and she is a mutt husky mix. and so sweet.

its getting easier. im getting sleazier.

el charro

theres something kinetic about el charro with mary bay, chicken quesadillas, sweet tea and marlboro lights. i dont even smoke, but no matter what the circumstances, just being around her and the mexican music that makes you wanna do a salsa and chimichanga dance....im going home this weekend.

justin weeks called the other day. its been so long. ill probably stop in statesboro on the way home and say hi. itll be good to be around old friends.

can't get high

i was right.
he can't be trusted.

the little lies that started must've lept right past me while i was sleeping. he swears he came clean on everypoint, but i don't seem to remember any of it.
there's that sickening pinch in my stomach that you get when you are so surprised to see such a horrible character in a person you admire, come out.

i just wish that he would've never asked me to drive his truck to work. i would've never been there, i would've never seen the things that have left me in fetal position for the past 5 days. i have no one here. i've got to get the fuck out.

show me your boobs

i met him almost 6 months ago now.
and i think its at this point you hit a rut, maybe?
this is my first relationship.
how sad?! but we've been on edge.

i don't even really know what the point is in contributing anything to this journal on this matter. in fact its pointless to write about a relationship which varies based on emotion and feelings when they change all the time.

i just...[way off topic]
i wish i felt more.
he hangs out with his ex and im fine with that. my friends think im crazy, but they dated a long time. he loved her and they were best friends; who am i to separate that? i just feel as though i can trust him.

im being a girl.

adam got a playstation2 for my birthday, now im radical combatical with the best games in the whole wide word, ghost recon and the getaway.

i came home from doing laundry tonight 4 minutes past curfew, which in turn may have terminated my scholarship funding. my parents will be pissed, but i didnt do anything i feel was wrong. this is the second time ive been suspended in 3 months. he always uses me during games but suspends me from practice. then i have to wake up at 445am and be down at the field to run 50 hills and 10 suicides. my legs are getting so much stronger though. im actually improving more from being suspended than i was practicing with the team everyday.

the only game he suspended me from was Tuscaloosa, which is one of my favorite teams to play. ive been practicing with simon alot and im getting so much better on my corner kicks and accuracy with my right foot.

its wednesday which makes me think about how i used to go to church all the time. i havent been since like last year. i might go again soon.
i met this guy in the gym the other day, named brandon. he's really hot, but i can totally read him and what he wants. we worked out and talked. first things first i told him about adam and that made him even more interested in talking to me.

guys are shitty. hahhhahah

id just hope adam would to the same if in a similar situation.

skyy higgh

minday crowe and snoffskin

mindy called her friend adam that she insisted i meet. she told him to come to barnesville in which he responded, maybe. 30 minutes later he showed up. tomorrow night, party at his house and i got an invite.

i think i might make this guy be my first boyfriend.