how does kissing someone else reveal your feelings for me?

do explain.

mike called the other day and asked me if he could come visit peyton, [which i dont ever see myself declining] and he arrived on tuesday. we hung out tuesday, all day and then i had work wednesday and thursday. wednesday he text me around 2pm to say that he wanted peyton and i to go out for dinner with him and we text back and forth joking. im still currently training at work and i was mid-dispatch on a call for an accident with injuries. white car, small, with subj unconscious possible fatality. as soon as the call was dispatched and the units arrived on scene i heard my name across the radio and my heart clinched. how many people with small white cars did i know, who could it be, what? how? they told me he wasn't going to make it. they said he was already gone.

he's in ICU in savannah right now. a traech in his throat, non responsive, with prayers and hope for another day. a ruptured spleen, punctured bladder, dislocated pelvis, and who knows what else.

his parents are still sitting in michigan.

now everything is crystal clear.

amanda henderson coakley

it makes me so jealous to see two people that compliment each other so well, fall in love and actually take the final steps into marriage and a life together. amanda and jasons wedding was stunning and beautiful and complete and perfect. the weather subsided until about 20 minutes after the ceremony. not a cloud insight until then.
this week has been a blur. alot of alcohol and not enough of seeing peyton. bars and late nights, jesse johnson and feeling horrible have preoccupied my time.
im sunburt and ready to get off of work and go home.

one day ill find someone. one day ill be confident enough and trust someone with my heart.

i want that boy to write home about.





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