its nice having pj around as a halfway roommate. the two of us taking on the world in our little marcus griffin town hhahah. work is work.

the other night i went to brandon galle's apartment and we were all drinking and talking. brandon and michael are 2 of the only people that havent changed our relationships with one another based on adams relationship with me. they still hang out as always and don't bring up anything which is nice. everyone else pulled away and left me out. i think that mustve been the most hurtful part.

as im sitting there having a great time, adam decided to show up. he all but beelined to the porch where i attempted to evacuate the situation. he approached me with a solemn, ashamed almost 'hey' and he said 'i know i hurt you, but lets talk about this. maybe dinner or something'.

[what is there to talk about? he cheated. he didnt just cheat. he predetermined that i should take his truck to work and come back to pick him up in the morning where i would conveniently walk in and see him with angie]

my eyes filled up with tears bc i did love him and he did hurt me. but its not appropriate for him to see me cry. i turned away and walked inside.

todays my brothers birthday. i have to remember to call him.

one year ago

...today, i began a relationship that became the biggest waste of my life.

this year, i have my own place, a good job, and friends that i will keep for a lifetime. [hopefully]
ohhhh and i got a new dog. i named her gator and she is a mutt husky mix. and so sweet.

its getting easier. im getting sleazier.

el charro

theres something kinetic about el charro with mary bay, chicken quesadillas, sweet tea and marlboro lights. i dont even smoke, but no matter what the circumstances, just being around her and the mexican music that makes you wanna do a salsa and chimichanga dance....im going home this weekend.

justin weeks called the other day. its been so long. ill probably stop in statesboro on the way home and say hi. itll be good to be around old friends.

can't get high

i was right.
he can't be trusted.

the little lies that started must've lept right past me while i was sleeping. he swears he came clean on everypoint, but i don't seem to remember any of it.
there's that sickening pinch in my stomach that you get when you are so surprised to see such a horrible character in a person you admire, come out.

i just wish that he would've never asked me to drive his truck to work. i would've never been there, i would've never seen the things that have left me in fetal position for the past 5 days. i have no one here. i've got to get the fuck out.

show me your boobs

i met him almost 6 months ago now.
and i think its at this point you hit a rut, maybe?
this is my first relationship.
how sad?! but we've been on edge.

i don't even really know what the point is in contributing anything to this journal on this matter. in fact its pointless to write about a relationship which varies based on emotion and feelings when they change all the time.

i just...[way off topic]
i wish i felt more.
he hangs out with his ex and im fine with that. my friends think im crazy, but they dated a long time. he loved her and they were best friends; who am i to separate that? i just feel as though i can trust him.

im being a girl.

adam got a playstation2 for my birthday, now im radical combatical with the best games in the whole wide word, ghost recon and the getaway.