new beginnings:

how did it go this long and i didnt know?

we never went this long without talking and then you're gone.

i knew youd go out like a rockstar.

you took the headlines by storm.

i love you, bp.

its that time again.
time to desecrate my body some'more...
thankfully, i dont have the money to,
[nor if i did would i be selfish enough to]
spend it on something like that.

someones birthday is coming up soon!
and that same someone, i miss very much.
shhh.

beth and ava are here!
she's beautiful. both of 'em.
isaac is such a good daddy.
bethany is such a good mama.
i wish they were closer.
our wishes don't exactly work parallel with gods will, now do they?

i am a mother. i am a pretty face with a pretty smile. i am naive. i am street smart. i am beautiful. i am ugly. i am loved. i am sensitive. i am a guy. i am emotional. i am happy. i am hungry. i am content. i am overprotective. i am mediocre. i am crazy. i am affectionate. i am funny. i am positive. i am realistic. i am employed. i am a homeowner. i am independent. i am relaxed. i am concerned. i am overwelmed. i am pushing new limits. i am compassionate. i am sane again. i am eager. i am indecisive. i am picky. i am a cousin. i am a daughter. i am a dog lover. i am loud. i am hyper. i am outgoing. i am shy. i am conservative. i am meek. i am contagious. i am outspoken. i am forward. i am a happy.

im wearing granny panties.
the end.

keep that feeling in the back of your throat
the burn of hurt, wavering to dote
never neglect for one second the emptiness in his eyes
the recognition of his strength and when you realized

lets get intoxicated
again and again
the sobering satisfaction
from losing we win

hate built up, amidst the mental fixation
obsessed with the thought of us without declaration
lingering on words, emotions mislead
mind churning negatives around in my head

hollow hearts and physical confrontation
despising love and all of its complication
drama so surreal youd applaud the theatrics
avoiding at all cost her manipulating tactics

lets get intoxicated
again and again
the sobering satisfaction
from losing we win

i fell into this hole.
almost like a grave.
i let a little piece of me die, just trying to save.
but falling's has no intention
so i guess really i just threw
my body into motion
and left me heart with nothing to do.

so naive, dear.

you're too old for this!