i dont even cuss, but fuck amandas parents for taking her away from us so that we cant even graduate together. she was going to be a captain with us, walk with us across the stage and get her diploma. we were suppose to make tons of memories and mistakes together. she promised me she was going to get me drunk and now, now none of this is going to happen.
daggum it.
Friday, December 1, 2000
Friday, September 22, 2000
rns
ive never lost anyone, anyone, anyong close to me.
i assumed it would hurt.
thinking about the last conversations that were literally just within hours of his death. saying have fun, and specifically saying 'dont drink and drive'. waking up to a call saying 'ryans dead, he wrecked his dads car, he's gone'.
we had a talk 3 days before that. he said 'youre such a good girl. you don't drink, you don't let guys use you like your other friends. don't change because i love you the way you are. guys respect you. they might not show interest now, but its because you aren't an easy option.' we used to do a good deed for the day. thinking of the times we ate at mudcat charlie's and then went to baskin robbins. the night we all went to tiki hut and i got stranded in brunswick and he drove to pick me up and completely surprised me. the talks we had in his truck in my driveway. watching him in near tears bc it was the weekend he was suppose to get married.
all of the whatif's go through my head. i couldve dd'd them. why out of all of the weekends we went to jekyll did i not go? he was supposed to come see me play soccer in college.
i assumed it would hurt.
thinking about the last conversations that were literally just within hours of his death. saying have fun, and specifically saying 'dont drink and drive'. waking up to a call saying 'ryans dead, he wrecked his dads car, he's gone'.
we had a talk 3 days before that. he said 'youre such a good girl. you don't drink, you don't let guys use you like your other friends. don't change because i love you the way you are. guys respect you. they might not show interest now, but its because you aren't an easy option.' we used to do a good deed for the day. thinking of the times we ate at mudcat charlie's and then went to baskin robbins. the night we all went to tiki hut and i got stranded in brunswick and he drove to pick me up and completely surprised me. the talks we had in his truck in my driveway. watching him in near tears bc it was the weekend he was suppose to get married.
all of the whatif's go through my head. i couldve dd'd them. why out of all of the weekends we went to jekyll did i not go? he was supposed to come see me play soccer in college.
Tuesday, July 25, 2000
i just woke up. [note the time] and its ridiculous how tired i remain. today is my moms birthday and also this is my first real entry. I decided to start this to document the next few years in my life. i figured something interesting may happen, and i want to go against the fish and be unique. screw livejournal. im starting a revolution right here!
as of right now, its summer and im about to start school within the next month as a senior. a senior! im captain of the soccer team; that was determined last season and im going to be a captain with my 2 best friends: holly and amanda. im excited to see what happens and where i am and even more ecstatic about soccer and college.
as of right now, its summer and im about to start school within the next month as a senior. a senior! im captain of the soccer team; that was determined last season and im going to be a captain with my 2 best friends: holly and amanda. im excited to see what happens and where i am and even more ecstatic about soccer and college.
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