i came home from doing laundry tonight 4 minutes past curfew, which in turn may have terminated my scholarship funding. my parents will be pissed, but i didnt do anything i feel was wrong. this is the second time ive been suspended in 3 months. he always uses me during games but suspends me from practice. then i have to wake up at 445am and be down at the field to run 50 hills and 10 suicides. my legs are getting so much stronger though. im actually improving more from being suspended than i was practicing with the team everyday.

the only game he suspended me from was Tuscaloosa, which is one of my favorite teams to play. ive been practicing with simon alot and im getting so much better on my corner kicks and accuracy with my right foot.

its wednesday which makes me think about how i used to go to church all the time. i havent been since like last year. i might go again soon.
i met this guy in the gym the other day, named brandon. he's really hot, but i can totally read him and what he wants. we worked out and talked. first things first i told him about adam and that made him even more interested in talking to me.

guys are shitty. hahhhahah

id just hope adam would to the same if in a similar situation.

skyy higgh

minday crowe and snoffskin

mindy called her friend adam that she insisted i meet. she told him to come to barnesville in which he responded, maybe. 30 minutes later he showed up. tomorrow night, party at his house and i got an invite.

i think i might make this guy be my first boyfriend.

first date tonight.
went to buffalo's cafe, had dinner, and then went to his house where we got down and dirty.
sike.
but i did dye his hair and it left my fingernails looking dirty and gross.
school is hectic and soccer, even though its not season is demanding alot out of me. i dropped algebra,...again.
backroads with john and my head has a heartbeat.
i sat down to update, like really really update this, because i never do. but im exhausted and im wanting to get up early and get laundry out of the way.

mac called...random.

i cannot believe my weakness. my inability to pull myself from the situation that left me with this cold empty feeling. i went to a mutual friend who proved to me that money and paid brothership stand stronger than 10 years of paying dues with sincerity and love.

im ashamed and embarassed and sore.
....and he said 'call me'.

i cant even put a grasp on what happened today. im sitting here in my computer class and i cant wake up. i keep thinking, how in the world did i somehow solidify in my mind that what i saw on tv was a movie and not the actual news. it was insane and my emotions...im a pretty selfish person, but my heart felt something for those people. it doesnt even directly affect me, and by that i mean that no one in my family was a victim, i don't have friends or family to concern with over the matter, but FUCK. I'm waiting for johnny, matt, and skip to get out of class so we can go get right before soccer practice. we have early practice today which means we get to go eat our faces off at SEgeorgia bbq after practice instead of on campus. puff puff give and then beddie time, early classes tomorrow.

val and i already are butting heads. [she's wound so tight]

on a less depressing note: i finished my 2 miles timed run, 4 laps ahead of everyone else.

tonight camping at the river on a sandbar.
jamie, stephanie, sandy, and grant.
the grass is always greener on the other side, especially rolled up
HA
its all downhill from here.
i leave monday to start conditioning and im praying for no urinalysis.

class of oh one, son

this last year of my life has blasted by. i had my first kiss, my first big crush. i made new best friends and still have the old (amanda, holly, pj, elisabeth, erin, lindsey) ryan is gone and i still think of him everyday. jared ferrell is still just jared ferrell and he still stands me up. such a waste. amanda's in illinois and not here!
i wish i had something significant to write about here. i happen to have nothing.
senior week was a bunch of people getting wasted at a hotel on jekyll; at a really run down hotel at that. i met this guy named mac arthur and we walked down to the beach. i wish that someone sober and less knights of the roundtable would give me the time of day. we sat there and looked at the moon and he asked if he could kiss me, which i allowed and it was sweet. it was also only my second kiss and i was in my right mind, so naturally im going to have a crush on this guy. we've talked once since the other night. he's going away to school. i am too! I AM TOO!
growing up is coming all too fast. i signed next week for my soccer scholarship. for college. COLLEGE!